My House Is Like My What??


We're the Hansens!
We were married early April of 2019.
My husband and I have been married just over eight months. Last summer, before we were married (heck, before we even met) my husband bought a house. When I found out this not-so-little news, I was THRILLED. I would browse the pictures on the real estate site and day-dream of our cute lil’ 1950-something fixer-upper. It was going to be beautiful; just like off of HGTV. What a dream….

…What a nightmare. Our drive way is a forty-five-degree angle. There are SEVEN layers of contact paper in our kitchen cupboards. There was no outlet it our retro lavender and dusty blue bathroom. Fifty-four gaping holes from past screws and nails filled the walls of our tiny hallway. And, call me crazy, but is the door at the end of the hallway crooked?? I was concerned to say the least.

But then, I stopped to really think about it. My marriage is like this little house.

“Emma, that’s dumb. You just listed all these horrible, awful things about your house and you’re comparing it to your marriage?” Yes. Now hear me out.

Like my home, I day-dreamed about what marriage would be like. All the cutesy little things you would hear about in the movies. But like my fixer-upper, it takes more than dreams and a Pinterest board to turn it into something breathtaking.

President Kimball once said, “only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us” (1980).  I’m prompted then, to ask, what are things my husband and I can do to preserve our family? After a lot of thought (and even more reading and study) I’ve come up with a list of things I think will help.

1.      No Wedges Allowed
There are so many things that can fill our time! It can become overwhelming how many things can be demanding of our time. Hobbies, social media, careers, even extended family. But the goal is to not eliminate EVERYTHING else from your sights; just prioritize. Prioritize to put your husband first; prioritize your marriage.

2.      Quality Time
When can you do this? Go on a date! Just because you are married doesn’t mean your sweetheart magically stops being your boyfriend too. This time together allows you and your husband opportunities to connect. Realize what a gem this is.

3.      Honest Communication
Communicating is what you are doing. Honesty is how you are doing it. You need to have both continually. One without the other is moot.

4.      Supporting Each Other
I grew up in the military and married an Air Force man. I remember and love hearing the phrase, “I got your six.” The most beautiful, but often the most difficult, things are only achieved when working together. Cliché? You bet, but full of truth.

5.      Selflessness
Sometimes you gotta give of yourself for the betterment of the whole. You value most what you put yourself into and I can’t think of a better place to invest.

These qualities and attributes are not listed off haphazardly. They are things I’ve found necessary in my own marriage to fortify and build with. Elder Dallin H. Oaks once shared a quote from former President Spencer W. Kimball that I feel sums up how we can have our happy “fixer-upper” marriage.

“Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage … means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also, it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all” (2007).

It’s far too easy to look at a difficult project, like a fixer-upper and exclaim resoundingly, “No way! I’m not doing that.” But nothing worth having ever came easy. Just like a little house, it takes some emotional elbow grease and a well-packed spiritual tool box. No marriage is perfect; we would be naïve (with a dash of ignorance) to think so. However, just like renovating a home, with lots of love and relentless commitment, it can be the perfect thing for us. We need to understand, as former President Kimball taught, marriage demands so much from us as individuals. Lucky us, marriage is a team effort, husband and wife, and you get to pick your renovating buddy/partner.
My PERFECT renovating buddy/ partner!
Demo-ing is his favorite part of having our fixer-upper.
He also exclaims, "I am worthy!" when he has the sledge hammer. 
He says he's like Captain America. 

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