Are YOU Watering a Fake Plant?

I once had a roommate come home from grocery shopping with a new plant, showing everyone in the apartment. She was so excited to get it home to add it to her (dying) collection. With forced excitement (because she was always buying new plants) we shouted our “yipees” for our new leafy roomie. “What a shame,” I thought. “It’ll die like the rest of them.”

To my dismay, my roommate religiously tended to the plant. Maybe this little guy would make it. Weeks passed. Her other plants died a slow, shrivel-y death, but that little guy she brought home was still kickin’! The plant looked as good as the day she got him. A short time later, we discovered her plant to be fake. My roommate was heartbroken, left with a graveyard of empty pots and her lifeless, evergreen plant.

It's all smiles and rainbows until
you realize your plant is fake.

This sad, although comical, story came to mind when reading about a deeper, weightier subject. In Dr. Goddard’s book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, he talks to us about the importance of fidelity to our spouse. He talks about the challenges we may have with a spouse and how the Lord would have us approach them in the following quote.

[The Lord] asks instead that we learn to love each other and overlook the inevitable faults we discover. He asks that we honor commitments and strengthen our partners. He asks that we be as good and kind to our partners as we would have them be to us.

Dr. Goddard then notes, doing so in our marriages is the “most soul-stretching.”

So, how does this relate to an old roommate’s fake plant?

Sometimes, we pour our energies into things that have little to no importance in our marital life. This can be anyone (or anything) that takes precedence over our spouse. When that cute lil’ guy was brought home, all nurturing, loving attention was (literally) poured into him. The other plants were put on the back burner to be slowly forgotten. All of this, only to find that effort being useless and squandered. If ignorant, we can be left with the same disappointment.

Thankfully, Dr. Goddard gives several guidelines we can follow that can help “prevent trouble.” I would like to focus on two of them. The first being “Spend more enjoyable time with your spouse” and the second, “Celebrate the sweet gift of companionship.”

Spending time with our spouse seems like a no-brainer. But it is through this time well spent that we are able to bolster our marital bond. In this time together, we can remember why we picked them. It will also allow us to break down their flaws that we may have magnified. Goddard counsels with the following, “Recognize that many of our frustrations with our spouses are built on the false assumption that they ought to be a certain way.” Time together can reestablish balance.

It takes two people to create a great kiss!
Likewise...
It takes two people to create a great marriage!

The second guiding principle brings a smile to my face. My mom is always saying that marriage is a party. And why wouldn’t it be? You married your best friend! Dr. Goddard talks about the “sacred gift of spousal trust.” In marriage, as Goddard puts it, we are telling our spouse, “I’m trusting you with my life, my body, my hopes, my dreams. Please be kind and gentle.” What a beautiful pact made within our marriages. It is something worthy and in need of celebrating. Every. Day. If it is not present, we need to strive to regain it.

These are only two of many guidelines Dr. Goddard discusses. These two guidelines however, stuck to me like glue. It wasn’t until closer examination that I realized why. Of all the things Dr. Goddard suggested, doing these two things required the help of our spouse. Fortifying our relationship is our first line of defense against infidelity. This can’t be done in a day and it can’t be done alone. Marital infidelity takes two, but so does marital commitment.