You Got A Friend In Me

Growing up in the military, you learn to make friends quickly with very little, if any, regard to commonalities. My sister growing up would often ask my mom if she could play at her friend’s house. When asked which one, she would respond with, “the one with the [insert color here] shirt!” If you were our age and liked toys too, BOOM, friends. Thankfully, in a military community, everyone was on the same boat you were; looking for a friend. The fact alone made making friends easier.

With getting older, you can’t necessarily go up to someone and say, “Hey! I like your shirt. Let’s be friends!” I mean—you could, but I don’t know how successful you’d be. Most people would probably think you were a weirdo. It was easier, by far, to make friends as a kid. But friendships that last a lifetime? For me, that’s a steep standard to meet.

Top: Amy and I on a road trip to Seattle!
Left: Me and Danica WAY back in the day!
Right: Being a sister and best friends
MEANS photo bombing.

I once read, on the abyss of the internet, that if your friendship lasts seven years, it would be a friendship for a lifetime. I have three people in my life that have surpassed (or nearly passed) this milestone. My childhood friend, Danica, my college roommate, Amy, and my sister, Hannah. (For the record, she is my only sister, which also makes her my favorite.) I have insane stories with each of these ladies. With each of these AH-mazing women, there are memories that have bonded us. From hysterical, wet-your-pants moments to devastating heartache. It has only been through these experiences, these bonding opportunities, our friendships have taken root and grown to such great heights.

However, not all lasting friendships have to have seven years under their belt. The ultimate, most important, person I could ever call my best friend, is my husband, Neal. What has bonded us was not me liking the color of his shirt or years of knowing him. Dr. John Gottman, in The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work, hit the nail on the head in describing how I know Neal with the following. “[Happy couples] tend to know each other intimately—they are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes and dreams.”

My Jar of Questions
and Neal's temporary "jar"
we used while dating! 

Neal and I, unknowingly, made cultivating a friendship a huge priority when we first started dating. The start was with something silly I created, years in the making. I have a jar, chock full of questions. The topics range from Christmas light color preference to your preferred brand of toothpaste. Early in our dating, Neal and I split the jar and would work through it asking each other questions from it. More often than not, the questions would stem into other branches of conversation. Even without the questions, we never ran out of things to talk about. But the questions served an important role; it helped provide the means to an invaluable, profound friendship.

Being married, we continue to grow our friendship. We doing things together! From big renovation projects in our home to small, everyday tasks, like cooking. We enjoy each other’s company and it helps bonds us together. We are always learning new things through this time well spent. We share hobbies, from games to thrifting, there is so much we enjoy together. In the things we don’t have common interest, we support one another (because friends like seeing each other happy)! My favorite thing we continue to do is find more questions! We love adding new ones to our collection. (I love that it is reminiscent of our beginning!)  

This friendship has been our rock. It’s what we hold to through difficulties. It’s what we do a happy dance with in victories. It is the glue to our marriage. Dr. Gottman says, “…happy marriages are based on a deep friendship.” I like to believe that is exactly what Neal and I have cultivated. He continues with, “They have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in big ways but through small gestures day in and day out.” I have formed a lifelong friendship with the man I call my husband. I have grown to know, love and adore him in big and small ways and continue to make that the goal. Successful, happy marriages take root in friendship. I hope that our roots in friendship continue to deepen and strengthen because he’s my best friend forever and I wouldn’t have it any other way.